Thursday, February 3, 2011
grumbles..tales from the belly monster
life, love, and the pursuit of happiness are all in order, or at least im leading myself to believe so. its difficult to juggle so many mee's. two years ago, i was that dude, you know the one with the beard that gay dudes thought was such a bear, and chicks thought had a musk, not a bad thing, just a thing. then i went from just being some little nowhere tattoo artist to the tattoo artist with a partner, you know, some other other type romance.
promises of marriage and babies, home on the range, separation of state, self sufficient living. now, follow me here, the first dude was pretty much all bad, he was hairy, used the word cunt alot, and usually slapped ass in the grocery store to try to pick up women. the second dude was all googly eyed and hopped up on that new piece. now its a few years later, and ive got a little dude i call the belly monster, so im on some "daddy's home " type jam. this is the dude that has worries,food on the table type worries, five year plan type worries, keeping the peace type worries. not lose your job because you tell people to 'keep it black" type worries.
this dude drives home real fast to give kisses and huggles, and loves when a baby decides to bungee jump off the bed with only his beard in hand.
im just wondering where i stuffed the other dudes, cause as of late the words"black hole of a cunt with a big fucking mouth" have come out of my mouth. now im not saying i have any regrets here, im just saying that my context, or perhaps my perspective has changed. two years ago, i would have said that shit cause was calling someone out on some superficial type jawn, now im saying it cause im calling some chick out on some real type jawn. two years ago, i couldnt care less about my general happiness, or what people had to say about me, now,i have considerations, i have a bottom line, and that bottom line is my family. i mean, you can go on and on about who or what i am, and most of it is usually true, .hell ive had my days, even years in which i wouldnt object to much of what anyone had to say about me. but now im in a situation where i have to think about a little dude that smiles and cries and knocks his head, and gives me zombie kisses.
and at this point in my life, when youre saying something about me, in turn youre saying something about my child, yeah, the beebah, the belly monster, the love of my life ( who is completely equal but different than the other love of my life,my mrs, my lady, my partner, my'"i should be cuddling her instead of typing this")
so perhaps it is perspective, perhaps the years have given me some new definition of what offends me, perhaps i have finally allowed my self to be offended, im really not sure.maybe i now deem myself a being worthy of defense. im not really making too much sense here, and im typing with an urgency because i must find the little mans nail clippers before i hit the big bed. but either way, the only conclusion ive found these days is that im quite ,able, willing and well warranted when i tell someone to go fuck themselves, it is a rare occurrence, and i suppose it took a few incarnations to get to that point, but thats what makes it so important when i do say it.
so , with enough blathering , i will give you a big fuck you , know that it comes form a black heart that holds only a little bit of life and love ,which it extends to my two life loves, the would be mrs, and the beebah.
my inspiration for the day is running out of prilosec, and knowing that no matter what i have to say, i have someone waiting in the afformentioned big bed that will back me up, right or wrong, i am part of a collective, the cosmos has cried'one of us' and i have answered,
so leave my little cosmos alone, the ph is balanced, the fortress is solid, and were making additions every day, si i really dont need your negative shit.
as a complete aside, check out this pretty little bird at the top of the page, his name is nicky tweets, he enjoys hiking, peeing through windows late at night, and tearing the heads off of small woodland creatures.